Short-Short Stories
King Edward had twin brothers: Prince Daryl and his other brother Prince Daryl. As children, all three played happily together. And once Ed had a son to succeed him, Daryl no longer planned an assassination.
When Daryl died suddenly from a hiccup, Ed was finally able to tell them apart.
King Edward devoured Shepard’s Pie at King Gustave’s festival table. When he ordered Larry, the Royal Chef, to prepare it, the chef cringed; he knew just what was coming.
After the fastest runner (Scotty) and most skilled butcher (Dutch) provided the basic ingredients, the flock was left to the dogs.
King Edward’s father insisted he marry cousin Princess Ruby.
After watching “Mr. Peabody’s Wayback Machine”, he got to thinking. If Ed could return to the day before the wedding, he would elope with Maggie, his chamber maid.
Ed blubbered. At least their Royal Bastard, Edward XIV, would inherit his kingdom.
Queen Ruby’s Uncle Rippert entered the Tin Can Costume Ball using old coins. When he introduced himself, everyone was stunned. He was thought to be an urban myth.
Although he needed a shave, haircut, and shower, Rip won Best Costume Cup. An achievement for any man who slept 100 years.
Guizippie the tailor stitched a royal robe, the finest in the world. Unlike the old Emperor, King Edward’s new clothes could be seen for miles.
While others had robes of cotton flannel, wool, and even silk, his was aluminum foil with a silver sheen and a leisure suit to match.
Princess Tiffany, the most politically correct of the King’s daughters, was famous for her brunches.
Each quarter as taxes were due, farmers and tradesmen would give the king’s accountant, Edith, ninety percent of their coins and harvest.
In return, Tiffany made sure they got a fried egg, always sunnyside up.
Prince Ed received a camera for his thirteenth birthday. He proceeded to fulfill a life-long dream: a Royal Family Tree including photos. Ed took snapshots of portraits throughout the castle, and of the living Royal Family.
For those cremated, he emptied each urn and took photos of the ashes.
As a young boy, King Edward loved sleigh riding, especially during blizzards.
When he saw children rolling snow and stacking big balls to resemble a man, Ed proclaimed that all snowmen must be created in his image.
Since then, all snowmen have had dark, staring eyes and a carrot nose.
Kingdom peasants were falling down in the streets, their work undone. The King demanded an answer.
Were they unionizing? Holding out for fewer taxes? Sick in the head? Ed’s doctor theorized a tse tse fly epidemic.
When the Royal exterminator only killed half the tses everyone napped. Except the exterminator.
The Castle Janitor called the Royal Leak Fixer. The rain from the hole in the roof leaked through to the Royal Bathroom. King Edward demanded it be stopped.
The Fixer could find nothing to fix, but Ed still saw and heard “drip, drip, drip” while standing at the Royal Commode.